So I’d been hearing endlessly about these fabulous new ballet
workouts and was intrigued to try something new while sweating off some extra
LB’s (Side Note – if I haven’t been my goal weight in 5 years, is it
still appropriate to call the pounds extra? Hmmmm). Anywho, it
wasn’t until I received a glorious Groupon offer for 10 Cardio Barre Beverly Hills classes
for $40 (Single classes are regularly $16 each), that I knew I had to try this - I LOVE A GOOD DEAL! Luckily, my dear friend & coworker Annie bought
the Groupon as well. I’ve learned that moral support is KEY in all
dietary and physical commitments! We decided we would try it
out the next day after work.
The following morning I packed my workout bag
(That's fancy talk for "I emptied a gift bag from some event & threw my leggings in there"), snagged
a few water bottles from work on my way out at 6pm, and was prepared to dominate the 6:30pm
beginners class. What a joke! Trekking from our office in Santa
Monica to Bev Hills at 6:30pm in the allotted 30 minutes I gave myself was beyond wishful thinking. Needless to say, we missed that class by a landslide. Apparently CB frowns upon tardiness and does NOT care where I work or who I
know. So we parked our derriere’s
at a Starbucks up the street and waited for the 8pm class, wait, let me clarify - the 8PM
ADVANCED class. We were optimistic to say the least. Around 7:45pm, they
herded us all into the room and it was a mad dash to mark your territory for
the class. Annie and I picked a cozy little corner next to a window & the mirror and plopped ourselves on the floor pretending to stretch to kill
time. We saw everyone arrived for class in sandals and derived that the class is done barefoot. So we took our sneakers off and curled our un-pedicured toes in shame. Then when we least expected it, the clock struck 8 and all hell broke loose!
The
instructor came plowing thru the room like a wild banshee with a headset microphone
on, while music that I can only imagine was from the “NOW That’s What I call
Meth" album started blaring thru the surround sound speakers. Annie & I
shot up from the ground like frail kids on a trampoline that just got pounced by the chubby kid. Everyone grabbed the ballet barre and started pulsating in unison. Who would've thought that even the stretches were rehearsed! There is no learning curve in the advanced class. By 8:05
I was full on sweating and I knew this would only get worse.
Our instructor was barking off orders like we were in some weird Spice Girl
bootcamp: SQUAT! 1st POSITION!
KICK! TIGHTEN THE GLUTES! SHOULDERS DOWN! And not to mention the
satanic “DOUBLE TIME!” This high impact activity lasted 45minutes and was NONSTOP. Of course they "allow" you to grab water as you please throughout the workout, but we knew it would be all judging eyes on us if we even motioned towards the bottle on the ground. Judgement for fatigue, thirst, and most shamefully for it not being Fiji or Smart Water. Annie
& I were panting, my face was red, there was sweat in her eyes and both of
our bums were burning. It was time to bring it to the floor. Now
normally, we’d be the first to drop it down low, but this was the point of
the night that we realized everyone brought towels to class and well,
we didn’t get the memo. So there we were… with our pretty little sweaty
faces pressed against the carpet that thousands of barefoot girls have worked
out on, doing the Irish Setter to a chipmunk’s version of The Black Eyed Peas
“Boom Boom Pow”. Yes, it was just as glamorous as it sounds.
We laughed, we cried, vodka scented sweat was dripping from our every crease… then she flipped us over on our backs and had us pelvic thrust
until the cows came home. It was everything I imagined my first time
would be!
All in all, we
thrusted the shit out of that advanced class (or at least the last 5
minutes of it) and would definitely do it again! This time with a towel, a pedicure, and
most likely in the beginners class! ;)
Final Assessment:
Paying the normal $16/class can
get pricey and the routine can feel monotonous once mastered. We give the workout 2 thumbs up, but we raise our cocktails to the Groupon offer
for it! Cuz like everything in LA, after 10 times, we’d be over it
anyway...
xoxo,
Peach
xoxo,
Peach
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