My Appendage Needs a Restraining Order

A 2012 Game Plan

So I awoke this morning in the tundra known as Chicago and noticed something was off.  I'm not paranoid, but I could swear someone was following me.  As I made breakfast in the kitchen and walked the dog, it felt like I was being followed.  It took me awhile but I finally figured out what that looming figure behind me was.... my ass.  If you're like me you may have overindulged a bit (or a ton, let's get real) this holiday season, and your own hiney is now stalking your every move.  Throw away the tired New Years Resolutions (seriously I'm not going to be Gisele by March even if for the next two months I live in a sauna eating nothing but tree bark doing hourly P90X videos.)  Let's start fresh.  Here are some of my pointers, as a tried and true yo-yo dieter/excessive holiday eater/true fat kid who is thrilled you can now call it "being a foodie" instead of "last pick for dodgeball."

Start with something manageable

As I had previously mentioned, Gisele can wait, but those extra pounds that have now taken residence on my tush cannot.  Crash diets will not work!  I once tried a "cleanse" that nearly landed my insanely motivated boyfriend in the hospital and just left me uber-grumpy and not a pound thinner.  I would suggest cutting something out that is doable, for example, no alcohol for a month (I can feel the other Jackie yelling at her computer in disgust at this suggestion and feel she's probably stopped reading at this point) or no refined sugar.  The latter is a great start as I have found in the past that when I cut out refined sugar but allow myself fruits or small sweets made with honey or agave, I eventually stop craving sugar. This is a huge help for people who have an enormous sweet tooth like this "foodie."

Get moving and get a friend involved

Whether it's Zumba with the girls, yoga with your man or hiking with your roomie, it is always easier to engage in exercise when you have a partner to do it with you.  It is always easier to commit to something that you actually enjoy.  If you once ran to third instead of first due to your lack of knowledge about softball (I saw my brother do this once, but I digress…) and now the thought of a baseball diamond gives you the sweats - then opt out of joining your local softball league.  There are a ton of fun exercise options out there so keep trying different things until you find your stroke, Michael Phelps.

Keep track of what you are eating

It is so easy to suddenly "forget" to write down that hunk of truffle cheese you just popped in your mouth, but if you are honest with yourself about what you are eating and can see it at the end of the day, you will be able to tell what your pitfalls are.  Having done this in the past, I can see that I eat the most mid-afternoon (what, you haven't heard of happy hour?) and I can now plan accordingly, such as bringing snacks or making sure I'm busiest during the time when I do mindless snacking.

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate (also known as “7 sips to success”)

And no, vodka does not count!  I have read in the past that drinking a full glass of water before you begin a meal will help you eat less, and I have found this to be true.  Often when I find myself inexplicably hungry in between meals, it is truly because I am thirsty, so make sure you drink up!  I find having a bottle of water with me at all times helps me ensure that I will continue to stay hydrated, and therefore I am apt to eat less.

Treat Yo Self (those not familiar with this rewards program, I direct you here.)

When you are doing well, treat yo self, when you are having a rough day, treat yo self, when it's 2pm, treat yo self.... you catch my drift.  If you're like me and you can get down on yourself for the poor choices of yesteryear, be sure you are balancing out your inner monologue of "negative nancy's" with treats.  If you've lost five pounds, bam, go get a manicure.  Resisted the birthday cake at your niece's party (even though it has that incredibly delicious sugary frosting... but again I digress) - boom, time for a massage.  As long as you're not rewarding yourself with food (you know you thought about it for a hot second), take some time for number one.  It doesn't have to be expensive or extravagant but find a way to be your own cheerleader as you continue towards your goal.

Lastly, DON'T GET DISCOURAGED!

There is always going to be that incredibly annoying coworker that bakes insane treats every week (trust me, I am her, no fatty likes to eat alone) or that restaurant that you've been dying to try and finally got a reservation to.  If you have a brief lapse in judgment (which is what I will now refer to as “December”), you can always have a better tomorrow.  Try and stay motivated and focus on the strides you have made as opposed to the deficits left to overcome.

And if all else fails, you can visualize the thirteen layers I had to put on just to walk to the gym today when it was 18° today (no I'm not dyslexic, it can't be 81° everyday you spoiled Californians ) and be grateful.

Happy New Year, New You

Woz