The Day Mindy Kaling and I Me(e)t

Sometimes I imagine being friends with certain “cool” people and I play out in my mind what it would be like to meet them & how exactly we’d fall in friend-love.  Don't worry, I'm not a freak or anything!  I usually only do this when I'm bored & sitting in traffic or spaced out on a date with a guy I'm totally not interested in.  

Aside from the obvious ones like Britney or Sam Rockwell, I HONESTLY cannot wait for the day the stars will align for me & Mindy Kaling.  You see, the entire TOTT group would be sitting at our usual Sunday mimosa brunch spot and about 10 minutes into our gabfest, Mindy would walk thru door and get a table for 2 conveniently located right next to ours.  Mindy's friend would be running late so she'd order a water & unintentionally start eavesdropping on our convos about our previous night of debauchery.  The next part is still up in the air, but I'm almost certain Mindy would lean over and compliment my feather earring or my perfect eyelashes and we’d start chatting about fashion and hangovers.  Once her friend shows up, Mindy would introduce us all and tell her how funny & pretty we are.  We'd then flag down a waitress and ask if we can just combine our tables together because it would be easier to chat that way.  Somewhere between bottomless and mimosa, we'd add each other on facebook so we could check into Henry’s Hat together and be best friends forever.  I haven't worked out the kinks yet, but that's how I see it vaguely happening. 

I mean, wouldn’t it just make perfect sense for these babes to be besties?

I leave you now with an excerpt from Mindy’s hilariously wonderful book  “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and Other Concerns)” 

Obviously Mindy’s book is our #1 pick in the TOTT book club this month.   *We were recently forced into starting a TOTT book club because Kellie refused to leave her kindle at home on our TOTT vacay’s.

Mindy Kaling’s Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities

I CAN BORROW ALL YOUR CLOTHES
Anything in your closet, no matter how fancy, is co-owned by me, your best friend. I can borrow it for as long as I want. If I get something on it or lose it, I should make all good faith attempts to get it cleaned or buy you a new one, but I don’t need to do that, and you still have to love me. If I ruin something of yours and don’t replace it, you’re allowed to talk shit about me to our other friends for a calendar year. That’s it. Then you have to get over it. One stipulation to borrowing your clothes is that you have to have worn the item at least once before I borrow it. I’m not a monster.

WE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED
If we’re on a trip or if our boyfriends are away, and there’s a bed bigger than a twin, we’re partnering up. It is super weird for us to not share a bed. How else will we talk until we fall asleep?

I CAN DITCH YOU, WITHIN REASON
I can ditch you to hang out with a guy, but only if that possibility has been discussed and getting-ride-home practicalities have been worked out prior to the event. In return, I need to talk about you a lot with that guy so he knows how much I love you.

I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR KID IF YOU DIE
I can’t even write about this, it’s too sad. But yes, I will do that. And you will have one awesome little kid who hears endless stories about how amazing and beautiful and perfect you were. Incidentally, your kid will grow up loving Indian food.

I WILL NURSE YOU BACK TO HEALTH
If you are crippled with pain because of a UTI, I need to haul ass to CVS to get you some medicine, fast. I should also try to pick up a fashion magazine and candy that you like, because distracting you from your pain is part of nursing you back to health as well.

WE WILL TRADE OFF BEING SOCIAL ACTIVITIES CHAIR FOR OUR OUTINGS
On trips together, I promise to man up and be the person who drives the rental car sometimes, or uses my credit card and have people pay me back later. Someone needs to check on Yelp to see what the good brunch place is. Neither of us gets to be the princess all the time, I get that.

I WILL KEEP YOUR FAVORITE FEMININE HYGEINE PRODUCT AT MY HOUSE
Even though no one uses maxi-pads anymore, like you do, weirdo, I will keep a box at my house for when you come over.

SAME WITH YOUR CONTACT LENS SOLUTION
I can’t believe you won’t get Lasik already. I know you read someone went blind from it, but that was like twenty years ago. Not getting Lasik at this point is like being that girl in 2006 who didn’t have a cell phone.

I WILL TRY TO LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND FIVE TIMES
This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment.

IF YOU’RE DEPRESSED, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU
As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible breakup, and you can tell me a hundred times the same sad stories about how you thought he was going to be the one. I will be there for you to tell your long revenge fantasies to, and also to Facebook stalk whoever you want. I know I will hate it and find you really tedious, but I promise I won’t abandon you.

I WILL HATE AND RE-LIKE PEOPLE FOR YOU
But don’t get mad if I can’t keep track. Robby? Don’t we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry.

IT IS OKAY TO TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
I know when you fall in love with someone you will completely forget about me. That hurts my feelings, but it is okay. Please try to remember to text me, if you can, if you know I have something going on in my life, like a work promotion or something.

NO TWO PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN US
We fucking rock. No one can beat us.

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The All-American Rejects "The BeeKeeper's Daughter"

You can say you knew us before we were stars.

Back in mid-January, Jackie invited us all over to the Universal Studios backlot to spend our Sunday as extras on set of The All-American Rejects music video for “Beekeeper’s Daughter.”

We started the day with some takes of us walking down the street…and let’s just say we broke new ground. (As hired professionals, we really explored our characters….What was our motivation? Where were we going?) 

We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging around Courthouse Square, just chillin' in front of the clock tower from Back to the Future waiting for Doc Brown to jimmy up the flux capacitor.  It is disorienting to spend hours in a "fake" town, kind of like being in the Matrix and not knowing what was real anymore (…can I put my trash in that trash can…or is it a prop?)

After all that walking and standing... we were famished, so onward we went to craft services - the best part of filming anything!  Craft services is a hungover and/or menstruating woman's very own Disneyland of food.  There is BurritoLand, FajitaPalace, GreaseTown, FriedCity, and of course, the bar.  After we properly refueled from our taxing performances, it was time to explore.  We changed into our black catsuits and did our best choreographed Pink Panther tip-toe to sneak onto the set next door. There, everyone's  favorite syzzurp-drinking asian's Far East Movement were also shooting a video on the wild wild west(ern) set (where Kellie worried aloud “…is this the bad part of town?”)

Everyone knows the sound advice “don’t take rides from strangers” doesn’t apply to golf carts. So when a nice Greg Kinnear-doppleganger invited us onto his for a tour of the backlot, we held tight to our water bottles full of vodka soda and jumped right in!  He was especially passionate about us being able to view the Jaws “scene” from the Studio Tour from the street above.

We also drove by Norman Bate’s house from Psycho and popped by Wisteria Lane, but as the picture shows, we could only see it from the vantage of an obstructed dumpster before peeling out in our golf cart to make way for tram full of theme park go-ers.  Now that we were stars, we covered our faces and yelled "no photos, PLEASE." 

We returned to town square just in time to shoot the video’s finale – a big parade scene a la Ferris Bueller complete with a float, copious amounts of confetti, bands (mariachi and marching), scantily clad devils, showgirls, and Wayne Newton (yes Mr. Las Vegas in the flesh.)

 

Shhh...Do you hear that? It's our rocket to stardom. 

Behold: 

Well, off to a press junket now...

xoxo

TOTT